eve was a crazy bitch and now she was lying to me and I knew it. i told her so.
"listen, i know you're lying to me."
it was the first thing i'd been right about in three months of dating. eve was pissed off, you could tell, "i'm not lying," she said and blew cigarette smoke in my face. god i hate that smell. with the smoke and her anger, eve's eyes now looked smoldering.
i didn't understand why anyone accused of lying would just admit to it. i mean, if you're on a roll, why give it up? i had other issues with dishonesty, but i told her about that one, "of course you're lying. why would i just take your word for it?"
"because i'm telling you the truth."
"but how do i know that?"
she didn't say anything, just threw her cigarette down and rubbed it into the sidewalk with her heel, leaving a single black ashy spot on the grey asphalt.
it was midjanuary and cold as hell. it was eve's way of torturing me to make me stand outside with her while she smoked. she started about a week after i told her that i hated the smell, just to piss me off. she blew it in my face every time she got the chance.
there was no one else outside on campus, as far as i could see. it was just us and the dead winter trees and the red brick university buildings. our isolation and eve's silence were starting to get to me.
i could tell she was really pissed now, and why wouldn't she be? after all, i had pretty much just told her that i didn't trust her. her anger made her gorgeous. she had a toboggan pulled down around blonde hair that hung down framing her face, now rosy from the cold. she gave me the impression of a school girl so that her anger seemed trivial, like it would blow away with the smoke.
she finally broke the silence, "listen, how can i be with someone that thinks i'm a liar, that doesn't trust me?" her once-fiery eyes now looked hurt and inspired me to be apologetic.
"listen, i'm sorry. it's just a silly thing to argue about." it really was a silly thing to argue about. she had told me that she had a can of mountain dew that was fifteen years old and unopened. she didn't.
all of our arguments were about one of eve's lies. she never lied about anything plausible. it was always really outlandish and obvious. then she would bring up the trust issue and i would fold.
i think that was the whole point, getting me to fold.
eventually, we broke up after one such argument. I didn't fold.
she said, "i have a human sperm the size of a goldfish living in my toilet downstairs."
then i said, "No Fucking Way."
then she burned me with a cigarette.
i really don't miss that crazy bitch.
about the author
Let's see, Simon is, in no particular order, a musician in the bands, The Pitiful Jupiters and The Alecks, a writer, and a Philosophy major at Indiana University Southeast.