about the author

Lauren Bender lives in Burlington, VT. Her work has appeared in IDK Magazine, The Collapsar, Gyroscope Review, Pittsburgh Poetry Review, Yes Poetry, and others. You can find her on Twitter @benderpoet.

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One Poem  

Lauren Bender

*Home *Closet *Heart

* Nothing comes close to communicating with you.

* Though I might take a canvas and fling color across it as if I can arrive somewhere beautiful.

* Soft puppets on each hand, face each other, develop voices, then thoughts, also thoughts, then voices.

* In the car, I create little audio clips of all the sentences I want to scream at you.

* Though the words are strange, they are also, of course, sound.

* I’ll just try to worry through myself, through the night.

* See this mirror. See this hand. See this water. See my wet palm. See the slam slam slam.

* The running and streaking is nice. An imprint is nice. Almost like a relief. Like an almost.

* There is music, and music does not require composition.

* Hi, I’m La- my name is Lil, I’m an alcoholic.

* You have only to assign me a sponsor, and I will never again not need sponsoring.

* In bed with your considerate caution, disaster of an ex-husband, and phone tree.

* What if I say I do not want the goddamn fucking chip? No. To the car with that one.

* Where does one go in the middle of the night when one needs to go and has never gone?

* To sit at tables as if one has no bed, to fill blank notebooks with fake love letters.

* It has to be like this, because it is like this. Flashes and what the fucks.

* Build things! Assemble furniture! Hammer and frustrate and chuck and pound!

* I do, at times, lie on the floor like one who has no bed. I lie on the belt.

* Have been staring deep into the carpet since a child who didn’t know she was a child.

* I never asked her if my world could be small and I could be happy, both at once.

* I never asked a thing.

* One time I got so drunk I hated my comfortable house for years. Everyone in it.

* Everyone in it what? How does it go? I hate and I love? I am tortured?

* Thank you for diminishing me, for believing I can’t. I can’t. I can’t do this.

* Without selfies, would we ever clean the immediate area around the body?

* When I need you, it is never the right time for you to speak to me.

* I’m out of here.

* Surely at some point, I will grow out of the fucks needed for endless projects.

* I have not been able to figure out how my character can talk to the others.

* How the other characters can talk to each other.

* How talking works. How to make talking work. How is it supposed to work. What now.

* Go and go until I hit a Taco Bell, until I hit a highway south.

* Until the snow is gone.

* Far enough but where...?

* This time I’m going to assign joy to a month of the year. Be a numbers and games girl.

* What am I supposed to say when I call? That I want to drink?

* That I want to do something bad?

* Everyone knows these things already.

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